Seven Things Not to Do When Your Child Chooses to Serve Overseas

By Sue Eenigenburg

It may shock you when your kids tell you they feel led to serve God across cultures. Because of that surprise, your initial response might not be as grace-filled as you would have hoped. Or maybe your child has felt led to missions since they were little, but you find it hard to believe they are actually going. Parents can make some mistakes when their kids decide to serve overseas. What shouldn’t you do if you want to support your child’s decision to go?

Don’t blame God for leading your child to move away.

We could get angry at God for calling our children to leave. There are plenty of others He could lead to serve overseas; why would He want ours to go? We can focus on all our losses, on the family events they will miss and the reunions they can’t attend. We will miss seeing them frequently.

Amid the losses, it’s easy to forget the gains. Those who are eternally lost can hear the good news and believe. Transformation will take place in your child and in the community where they serve. Their move will provide opportunities for your child to grow, serve and love like never before as they learn to lean on Jesus. They will grow in compassion for others as they experience life outside of their comfort zone. The power of the Holy Spirit will enable them to thrive when facing formidable circumstances. Why would you want to deny them the opportunities God has planned for them?

Don’t keep suggesting ministry options in the U.S.

The time we have with our loved ones is precious. We don’t want to waste it trying to get our kids to either not go or move back. Of course there are ministry opportunities in the U.S., but there are more Christians here to do the work. We must remember there are still over 3 billion people who haven’t heard the gospel. That is about 40% of the world’s population! Jesus’ command to go into all the world applies as much today as it did when He first gave the mandate. Trying to manipulate our kids to stay or encourage them to disregard the call to go is distressing for us and disheartening to them.

Don’t let fear guide your reaction.

Seeing someone you love move to a distant corner of the world can be scary. We can let fear influence our response and taint ongoing interactions. Or we can choose to trust God to guide them. We can acknowledge that we are afraid, but we can’t get stuck there.

Throughout the book of Acts we see Paul’s response to hardships and persecution: Sometimes he stayed; sometimes he left. Fear wasn’t a consideration for him as he decided. He entrusted his next steps to the Lord and followed where He led. We can do that, too, as we release our children to follow Him.

Don’t expect all to go smoothly for those leaving to serve.

They will face challenges and hardships. Discouragement may dog their steps. Raising support, acquiring visas and preparing to go will seem like insurmountable hurdles. It is natural to want to lessen all they face, and we can come alongside to encourage them. But we wouldn’t want to make these difficulties disappear, even if we could. God uses each struggle to forge resiliency before they go, which is desperately needed after they arrive. Empathize with them, grieve with them and through it all, keep pointing them to Jesus.

Don’t hide your grief.

It is important to grieve in healthy ways. Find kindred spirits to grieve with you and pray for you. Don’t settle for nice-sounding platitudes like, “The safest place to be is in the will of God.” These do little to soothe our souls, because sometimes it doesn’t feel safe there. But God can be trusted.

Grieving with our kids but not overwhelming them with our grief can be a delicate balance. When Paul said goodbye to the Ephesians, strong emotions flowed all around. Grieving isn’t wrong. We can ask God to guide us as we share our sorrows but live in the contentment of surrender to His will.

Don’t keep worrying.

We are normally concerned for our kids. But if that concern grows into an abiding worry that intrudes on every interaction, we may have a problem. We must proactively entrust our children to God. Pray for them. Pray for ourselves. Pray for the countries involved.

We can also examine the whys of our worries. We may want to delve into the Bible to read about worry and how to deal with it. We could also talk with a pastor, mission leader or counselor about unabating worry.

Don’t judge too harshly or quickly.

It is likely that our children will have relationship issues with teammates while serving overseas. It is possible they will feel like their sending agency has some glaring faults. This may be true, but there are always different perspectives of what has occurred. It could be that the organization’s leadership has been trying hard to help but has fallen short, or that their help hasn’t been received well. Listen with empathy. Withhold snap judgments that promote bitterness. Pray for your child, their team and mission leaders. Be a safe place for your child. But also, be a place where they remember the importance of reconciliation and forgiveness.