Different, Yet the Same: Challenges for Women Who Serve Overseas and For Those Who Stay

By Sue Eenigenburg

I relate well to people who work or have worked across cultures. When I speak at global workers’ retreats and conferences, I feel confident that I know my audience. We have experienced similar challenges and joys. They understand the examples I use from my experience in global ministry, and I can share freely. Serving across cultures can be uncomfortable, but it feels comfortable to talk about it with people who can relate.

When a church asked me to speak at a women’s retreat in America, I was delighted. I was also nervous. As I was preparing, I wanted to touch on common challenges Christian women face in America. But, while I knew about global women, I wasn’t too sure about women who have consistently lived in the same country.

I did a bit of research by asking women in the church we attend a question: What are some of the major challenges Christian women face today? Their answers astonished me. Their challenges didn’t seem that different from the ones that global women face.

For instance, they talked about dealing with expectations. They felt that no matter what they do, it is never enough. These expectations seemed to come from within and without. Women who serve across cultures also struggle with expectations. Some of the expectations are realistic and others not. What do they expect from themselves or their sending churches or their team? How do global women know when they’ve done enough? Needs are unending. The job is huge. Well, it looks like women who live in America wonder the same thing. Whether they work inside and outside the home or just within it, there is always more to do. Not everything that is expected to be done can be done.

I read about their struggle in keeping up with their jobs and their homes. They wanted to do both well. In some ways, it reminded me of when we had our two sons back in the 1980s. Women had these same conversations. At that time, though, the ideal in the church was to be a stay-at-home mom. Today’s world feels a bit different. Work both in and outside of the home appears to be acceptable and valid.

But balancing home needs with a career outside the home is hard, AND working mainly in the home is hard. There is never enough time for women in either scenario to do everything that needs to be done. Nothing is easy. Almost all women struggle to get things done and feel that they’ve done less than what is necessary and expected! Expectations normally exceed reality.

These women also wrote about role confusion and balance. It seems easy for women, global and local, to come up with guilt-inducing “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts.” These can be based on what they see, what others teach or what their culture envisions for them. When women can’t keep up with the perceived perfect image, they feel that they are “less than.” We seem to do less and are less than the ideal that we expect and envision. We long to capture it but can’t. Comparisons run amok.

My generation had it easier than this one. We could only compare ourselves to those we saw or heard about personally. Today, social media bombards us with messages about who we should be. It taunts us with what we should look like and how our children should behave. TikTok, Facebook and Instagram posts all invite us to compare ourselves with what we see. And much of what we see has been altered to appear more perfect than real.

Global workers can compare ministry effectiveness, language levels or who serves in the harder corners of the world. Women who’ve stayed stateside can compare salaries, kids’ progress or hospitality. When we don’t (or can’t) measure up, it is easy to feel judged and shamed. When we come out ahead and feel that we are doing well, pride can enter the picture. Both shame and pride lead to more comparisons. Feeling “less than” promotes fear of judgment by those who seem to have it all together. Those who appear to be successful in life may fear that the perfect image they try to project isn’t sustainable.

These life and identity issues contribute to one other thing that the women in my research mentioned—the thing that surprised me the most. They wrote about feeling that they didn’t fit in anywhere. I couldn’t believe it. When I visit churches, and in the church I attend now, I thought everyone else fit in, and I was the one who didn’t. I had no clue that there were others who felt the same way, even those who grew up in the same area and were members of the church.

As human beings, we long for community. Whether we serve in another culture or in our hometown, we want to belong. We seek out our “village”—those we walk alongside who are for us, accept us and know us. Women, regardless of where they’ve lived and served, face common challenges. Global women just deal with these things far away from home, and so I would hazard a guess that they experience these issues with added layers of difficulty.

As I read the responses of the women at my church and thought about my experience, I discovered three takeaways. One for global women, a second one for local women and the third for the local church.

One, appearances can be deceiving. Just because women look like they fit in doesn’t mean they feel like they do. Rather than hide their discomfort, women who’ve served globally can share how they feel. They can say aloud, "I don't feel like I fit in anywhere." In so doing, they may find a kindred spirit in women in their supporting churches who feel the same way. These women can encourage one another. They can remind each other of the truth that God has a perfect fit for all his children in his family. We can delve deeper.

Two, women who haven’t served overseas can empathize with those who have and welcome them warmly. Women who work across cultures are not super-spiritual. They have a variety of giftings, strengths, weaknesses and challenges. If women who’ve long been part of a church feel judged or criticized by others, know that a woman who’s served globally feels it too when she visits a church and shares her ministry, her successes and failures. Is she dressed too nicely or not nicely enough? Will she be accepted or judged? Prayed for or criticized? We can love deeply.

And three, churches must affirm and encourage women as sisters in Christ. When women come, recognize each one is different. They come with different roles in their homes, their workplaces and neighborhoods. Single, married, divorced, widowed—there must be room in the church to welcome them all. As your church welcomes global women, ask them about their life and ministry. Listen for their heartbeat in what they say. Confirm their roles in the Great Commission. The Church needs to acknowledge women’s value even as the world tempts them to question it. The Church has both the responsibility and the privilege to receive women as joint heirs in Christ. May women find a church home where love and grace invade every relationship. We can warmly welcome all women who come.