Loving Your Grandkids From Afar

By Sue Eenigenburg

I met a little girl whose family served in South Asia. She wore a handmade crocheted sweater that her grandma made for her. I thought that was special, and then I felt a moment of panic. I don’t crochet or do anything crafty. What could I do for my grandkids?

Every grandparent can think of ways to connect with their grandchildren. My husband and I have spent most of our time living far from our grandkids, and we’ve discovered that consistency and creativity are key in connecting with them. I’d like to share seven tips that have helped me to grandparent from a distance, both when I was the one overseas and now as the grandma back home with grandkids living across the ocean.

Connect with them as much as possible.

Recognizing and accepting my lack of ability in arts and crafts, one thing I could do was make an annual picture book for them with different themes. This marks our 14th year. Themes ranged from our family history to castles we’ve visited on our travels. One year I took a rubber duck with me on my travels and took pictures of him in various places we visited. They had to find the duck in each picture of the book.

How we connect depends on their ages, and the mediums we use also vary based on the countries where our kids live. Discover what virtual means will work. Using our computer or phone, we’ve played peek-a-boo with our youngest. We have also texted back and forth with our older ones. When possible, we’ve had virtual family calls where everyone in the family spread out on three continents could connect. Some grandparents read books to their grandkids online. I know of one grandma who gave virtual piano lessons to her grandsons.

Get to know them and show that you know them.

What do they like? What don’t they like? You can ask their parents or ask them. Each child responds in diverse ways. Some are shy. Others may be a bit uncomfortable at the beginning. Don’t feel discouraged if they don’t connect with you right away. One time when I went to hug my little grandson, he ran from me. It hurt for a moment, but after time and more interaction he ran to me. Be available. Be consistent. When apart, make videos to share funny jokes or tell a story. Share your special memories. When they visit, have their favorite foods. Offer to play a game or show pictures on your phone so they can get to know you. Ask questions and be sure to listen attentively to their responses. Showing interest in our grandkids no matter where we live is always a win-win for all.

When they get to visit, do unusual things together.

Anyone can watch a movie with kids. Because it is passive and a more normal event, it may not be as memorable. But having a tea party under a dining room table is unique. Enjoy a picnic in the basement. Make homemade pasta together while listening to Italian music. Play hide-and-seek or create a scavenger hunt. Learn a few magic tricks together. Visit a cemetery to see a great-grandparent’s grave and tell stories of what they were like. Make a gigantic ice cream sundae and dig in. Creativity goes a long way when we want to make lifelong memories with our grandchildren.

Understand that third-culture kids are unique.

Like other third-culture kids, children of cross-cultural workers merge perspectives from their passport country with those from their host country. In so doing, they develop a unique worldview. They will delight you and may alarm you with their distinct cultural perspectives. However, you can maintain strong relationships with them as you get to know them for who they are. Respect the culture that they bring with them. Read about their host country. Talk with other grandparents whose grandkids live overseas to gain insights. Take time to discover more about TCKs in general. (TCK Training is an excellent resource.)

Pray for them (and let them know it).

My mother-in-law was well-known as a woman of prayer. We knew she prayed for us. Each of my kids knew that she prayed for them every day. As they grew older and realized the importance of prayer, they became even more grateful for her. When she passed away, one of my kids said he felt a bit more nervous about the days ahead. For the first time in his life, she wasn’t there to pray for him. Be a grandparent who prays daily for your grandchildren. Be one who trusts God wholeheartedly. Pray with them and for them when you talk together. I find using prayers found in scripture meaningful when I pray for others. Praying for our grandchildren is one of our greatest responsibilities and privileges.

Keep learning how to grandparent purposefully.

Whether we live near or far, we want to be godly grandparents. As believers, we want to be intentional in our grandparenting as we invest in this new generation. One year, I shared monthly “one-minute grammy devotionals” for the grandkids to watch. I work my testimony and Bible stories into conversations. I’ve shared memory verses and what I love about God. I want to be purposeful in passing on my faith to my loved ones.

We can learn from other grandparents and find resources to help us. The Legacy Coalition website is a great place to start.

Thank God daily for His faithfulness from generation to generation.

David wrote in Psalm 100:5 (NIV), “For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.” We can have confidence that God’s faithfulness endures no matter what. Even when the world is scary and the future seems bleak. Whether we are here on earth or after we have moved on to heaven. God remains faithful just as He was for us, our parents, grandparents and ancestors. We can praise Him for His promise to be faithful not only to our grandchildren, but to their children. And their children’s children. His faithfulness never ends.