Preparing Couples for Cultural Stress, Part 3: Questions Before You Go

By Sue Eenigenburg

In this three-part series, adapted from an article first published in 2008 in EMQ magazine, we tackle what global workers can do to prepare their marriage for the culture stress they know will come. The first article looked at some of the stressors. In the second article we explored some strategic things husbands and wives should know and do as they prepare for the field. This third article lists 25 questions and ideas for couples to discuss before leaving for their first term of service.

25 Questions and Ideas for Married Couples to Discuss Before Going Overseas

Couples preparing to serve overseas face many cultural stressors. To be better prepared, husbands and wives should develop a step-by-step plan for how they will handle various challenges they may encounter on the field. In the months before leaving, set aside some time each week to work through one or more of the items below together, ideally, working through all of them by the time they move overseas. This scheduled weekly time should continue after arriving in their new country. After making it through the initial adjustments and settling in, they can set aside time as needed for periodic check-ins.

1. Identify the marital issues you are dealing with now. How can you work on these things before moving overseas?

2. What is your plan if one of you advances more quickly than the other in language learning? How will you help each other?

3. How can each of you show respect and love to the other?

4. How do you hope to balance ministry to your family and to the community?

5. How do you plan to adapt to your host culture? What cultural differences are you aware of now? Ask your future teammates what they have learned about the culture and discuss how to approach these things.

6. Pick two books about culture stress, and have each spouse read one. Then, share what you learn with each other.

7. What do you know about the country, the people, and the environment to which you are moving? What are the best resources for learning more?

8. Pick two resources about your host country and have each spouse explore one. Afterward, share what you learned.

9. What challenges do you expect to face in your upcoming move? What might be unexpected? Pray about these concerns.

10. Create a plan, with specific steps for how you will handle the challenges of relocation overseas.

11. What are your expectations of language study? Do you know your learning styles?

12. What do you expect of your team? What do they expect of you? Have you communicated with your team about expectations? If not, do so.

13. What changes are you expecting concerning your roles?

14. What are your current frustrations?

15. What are the biggest concerns each of you has about your future ministry?

16. Have each person list 10 ways to demonstrate active listening. Apply them.

17. Practice verbalizing your feelings by sharing one thought, one feeling and one conviction.

18. What is your vision? Write out a vision statement for your family as well as your ministry in the community.

19. What ministry goals do each of you have? How can you help each other accomplish them?

20. How often are you going to take breaks? When is your weekly day off? Plan at least three one-day getaways for the first year.

21. Plan out the coming year’s vacations and mark them on the calendar. Where are you going?

22. Call team members with any questions you have. Ask the team if they have any questions for you.

23. Is there a mentoring couple prepared to walk with you through culture stress? If not, find one. Write down what you would want from them and let them share what they expect from you. Discuss these things together.

24. As you anticipate many new tensions, what can you do to reduce the number of tensions you already face?

25. Schedule a weekly time to continue to meet together after arriving in your new country. Put the first three months’ dates on your calendar.

This resource was adapted from an article originally published in Evangelical Missions Quarterly in 2008 and is used with permission.